Toxic or Just Tough? How to Tell If Your Relationship Is Unhealthy
I have noticed a lot of unhealthy relationships in my office. Being in a relationship is not easy, it’s a responsibility. A responsibility that becomes more intense the longer we stay in one. Most of the time, we do not discover ourselves before committing, hoping we find ourselves in one. We all struggle with different problems, but our key to understanding ourselves in a relationship is figuring out our attachment styles. I wrote a blog about attachment styles and how to fix them.
Let’s go over 6 signs that would classify our relationship as a “Toxic” one.
Feeling unsafe or on the edge
Are you afraid that anything you do will just make them upset? We hear the phrase “walking on eggshells” all the time. It becomes hard to feel comfortable around the person. Are they quick to get upset?
Consistently disrespected
Values are everything in relationships. Do you find yourself feeling unsafe whenever you bring something up that bothers you? Feeling disrespected can mean many different things. If your partner does not respect your boundaries, then that would be a huge red flag.
Unmet needs
We all have needs and wants. What is important should be important to your partner. If your partner does not know how to love you the way you want to be loved, then you’re in an unhealthy relationship. Even in therapy, I try my best to meet all of my patients’ needs and wants. Sometimes you just want to be heard rather than “fixing” the problem.
Before you start to express anything, tell your partner, “I just want comfort,” or if you’re looking for a solution, then tell your partner, “I would like some help on how to handle this”.
Often taking the blame
Do they get defensive? Are they dismissive? No accountability? Do you find yourself always being the “problem”?
Isolated from friends and family
When you’re in a relationship, it comes with responsibility, as mentioned before. However, your partner does not need to be the focal point of your life. Ask yourself, when was the last time you hung out with your best friend?
Diminished self-esteem
Understand your boundaries with your self-esteem. Do they make you feel worse than what you’re already experiencing? Toxic partners often chip away at your confidence, leaving you emotionally dependent and unsure of yourself. Over time, this can lead to anxiety, depression, and a loss of identity.
Therapist Orders:
Pain is only temporary. If they’re not willing to change for you, then it’s not worth your mental health. It’s okay to ask for change, but it’s also OK to leave if you need to.
