Why Motivation Feels So Hard (And How to Get It Back)
2026 is right around the corner, and as you should, it’s time to set those goals. Working out, starting therapy, or even focusing on self-improvement are all great goals to have.
Most people think motivation is something you either have or you don’t. There are times when you wake up energized, driven, and ready to take on the day… and times when you don’t. When motivation disappears, people often blame themselves. I hear things like, “I am lazy,” “I am unmotivated,” or “Something is wrong with me.”
But motivation doesn’t work that way.
Taking the first step to read this article I wrote is already a great start.
Motivation isn’t a personality trait. It’s not a moral failing. And it’s not something that magically appears when you “try harder.” Motivation is a psychological signal, deeply connected to your nervous system, your emotional state, and your sense of meaning.
If you’ve been struggling to get things done, follow through on goals, or even care about things you used to enjoy, this article is for you. I’m going to share why motivation disappears, what your brain is actually trying to tell you, and how to rebuild motivation in a way that’s sustainable.
There’s more to motivation than just getting up and starting a goal. Motivation comes from maintenance and consistency, which I’ll explain later. I assure you, most of my patients struggle, or have struggled, with motivation, including myself. You’re not the only one. And I’m hoping this article helps you.
Motivation Isn’t the Problem… Pressure Is
One of the biggest myths I hear as a therapist is that motivation is created through pressure. Society teaches us that if we’re not motivated, we need more discipline, more accountability, or more shame. I actually wrote about this earlier in the year in my article Why Pop Psychology Is Not Real Psychology.
Social media plays a massive role in this. We have influencers telling people they’re lazy because they can’t achieve certain goals.
Psychologically, pressure often kills motivation.
When your brain feels overwhelmed, unsafe, criticized, or emotionally exhausted, it shifts into survival mode. In survival mode, the brain prioritizes conserving energy, not chasing goals. This is why burnout, depression, anxiety, and chronic stress are so closely linked to low motivation.
I always remind my patients: your brain is not being difficult, it’s being protective.
If motivation has been hard to access, it may be because your nervous system is already working overtime.
The more pressure we apply to our goals, the more resistant our brain becomes.
The Hidden Reasons Motivation Disappears
1. Emotional Exhaustion
You can’t stay motivated when you’re emotionally depleted. Many people carry unresolved stress, grief, resentment, or emotional labor they never fully processed.
When emotions pile up without release, the brain says, “We can’t add more tasks right now.” Motivation shuts down not because you’re incapable, but because you’re overloaded.
Most of the time, we simply have too much on our plate. As I mention in many of my articles, your past is your present. Untangling past issues is often necessary before moving forward.
2. Burnout, Not Laziness
Burnout doesn’t always look dramatic. Sometimes it looks like procrastination, avoidance, numbness, or saying, “I just don’t care anymore.”
Burnout happens when:
Effort outweighs reward
You feel trapped by expectations
Rest never feels restorative
Your needs are consistently ignored
Motivation cannot survive in an environment where your energy is constantly drained.
Someone once asked me how I would define the word depression. My response was: “Laziness.”
And then I followed up with an important question, Is there something deeper going on?
3. Loss of Meaning
Motivation thrives on meaning, not obligation.
When you no longer understand why you’re doing something, or the reason no longer feels emotionally relevant, motivation fades. This often happens in careers, relationships, or routines we’ve outgrown but haven’t emotionally released.
Your brain needs purpose, not just productivity.
What is the purpose behind working out or losing weight? You’re far more likely to give up on goals when there’s no meaning behind them. So as you set goals for 2026, try establishing the meaning first.
4. Fear Disguised as Procrastination
Sometimes what looks like a lack of motivation is actually fear:
Fear of failure
Fear of success
Fear of disappointing others
Fear of discovering you’re “not enough”
Avoidance is often self-protection. If motivation disappears around certain goals, it’s worth asking: What am I afraid might happen if I try?
Anxiety literally means fear, and anxiety is often the reason people struggle to stay motivated. Think of something you’re afraid of. For me, it’s roller coasters, mostly because of heights. If I never face that fear, I’ll never get on a roller coaster.
Sometimes, you have to get on the roller coaster.
Motivation Is Built After Action… Not Before
Here’s something important I remind my patients of:
Motivation follows action more often than it precedes it.
Waiting to feel motivated before starting creates a trap. The brain learns that nothing happens unless the “right feeling” shows up. Over time, this reinforces inactivity.
Instead, motivation grows from:
Small wins
Emotional safety
Consistent but manageable effort
This doesn’t mean forcing yourself. It means creating conditions where action feels possible instead of overwhelming.
How to Rebuild Motivation (Without Forcing Yourself)
1. Start With Nervous System Regulation
Before chasing motivation, ask yourself: Is my body calm enough to engage?
If you’re constantly tense, exhausted, or emotionally flooded, motivation will remain inaccessible. Simple regulation strategies can help:
Slow breathing (longer exhales)
Short walks without stimulation
Grounding exercises
Reducing caffeine and overstimulation
A regulated nervous system creates space for motivation to return.
2. Shrink the Task Until It Feels Almost Too Easy
Motivation collapses under big expectations.
Instead of:
“I need to get my life together”
“I have to finish everything today”
Try:
“I’ll work on this for five minutes”
“I’ll open the document”
“I’ll just show up”
Small actions rebuild trust between you and yourself. Trust fuels motivation.
3. Focus on Identity, Not Outcomes
Goals based only on outcomes often fail because they rely on future rewards. Motivation becomes more sustainable when actions connect to identity.
Instead of asking:
“Will this pay off?”
Ask:
“What kind of person do I want to be?”
Motivation strengthens when actions align with values, not pressure.
4. Remove Shame From the Process
Shame destroys motivation faster than failure ever could.
If your internal dialogue sounds like:
“I should be doing more”
“Why can’t I just get it together?”
“Everyone else can do this”
Your brain will resist engagement.
Motivation needs compassion, not criticism.
5. Rest Is Not the Enemy of Motivation
Many people try to “earn” rest through productivity. Psychologically, this backfires.
Rest is not a reward, it’s a requirement.
When rest is intentional and guilt-free, it restores motivation. When rest is avoided or shamed, motivation continues to deteriorate.
What If Motivation Still Doesn’t Come Back?
If motivation has been absent for a long time, it may be pointing to something deeper:
Depression
Chronic anxiety
Trauma
Unresolved grief
Identity conflict
In these cases, motivation isn’t something you fix, it’s something that returns when healing begins.
Working with a therapist, journaling honestly, or slowing down long enough to listen to yourself can uncover what motivation has been protecting you from.
Motivation as a Signal, Not a Command
Instead of asking, “How do I force myself to be motivated?”
Try asking, “What is my lack of motivation trying to tell me?”
Motivation isn’t a switch. It’s feedback.
When you listen with curiosity instead of judgment, it becomes easier to rebuild, not through force, but through understanding.
Therapist Orders
You are not broken because you’re unmotivated.
You are not lazy because things feel hard.
And you are not failing because your energy isn’t what it used to be.
Motivation returns when you create safety, meaning, and self-trust, one small step at a time.
And sometimes, the most motivated thing you can do is stop fighting yourself and start listening.
Books I Wrote:
If you enjoyed my article, click on the name below for a few books I wrote that can help you!
