Why Pop Psychology is NOT Real Psychology!
Why Pop Psychology Isn’t Real Psychology (And Why It's Hurting Us More Than Helping)
I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Let’s talk about why “pop psychology” isn’t real psychology, and how it may be doing more harm than good.
We’re living in an age where social media shapes our thinking, even when the information isn’t true. Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, even blogs, have made psychology more accessible than ever. And while that’s exciting, it comes at a cost.
Pop psychology turns complex mental health concepts into buzzwords, labels, and binary thinking. Sure, it’s great that we can access information in seconds, but oversimplifying human behavior can be dangerous.
Before you read on, ask yourself this:
What’s one thing you heard online (from a non-professional) that you believe in?
Keep that in mind, and reflect on it once you’re done reading.
1. Everyone You Dislike Is Not a Narcissist
Has someone betrayed you? Put themselves first? It’s become common to call such people “narcissists.” But narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a clinical diagnosis and a rare one.
Yes, narcissists exist. But throwing the word around casually, especially when we’re hurt, dilutes the meaning of the disorder and shuts down opportunities for growth.
I often hear women calling their exes narcissists, and men calling their exes “crazy.” Neither label helps. In fact, it discourages us from doing the real work around boundaries, communication, and self-reflection.
2. Having Needs Does Not Make You Codependent
Let’s be clear: Anxious attachment and codependency are real. But having emotional needs, wanting closeness, or needing reassurance does not make you codependent.
Statements like “You’re too sensitive” or “You’re too much” get thrown around too often. And thanks to pop psychology, many people feel ashamed for having needs, confusing emotional expression with weakness.
As I mentioned in my book, healthy relationships thrive on mutual support, not hyper-independence. You are allowed to want connection, that’s not codependency. That’s being human.
3. Disagreement Is Not Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a serious term. It refers to intentional manipulation, distorting someone’s perception of reality to make them doubt themselves.
Disagreeing with someone, even passionately, is not gaslighting.
Misusing this word reduces its impact and makes real cases harder to identify. The worst part? You might convince yourself you're being gaslit, which can lead to unnecessary anxiety, mistrust, and emotional confusion.
4. Conflict Is Not Abuse
Every relationship has disagreements. Conflict is normal. And sometimes, it’s necessary for growth.
Abuse, on the other hand, involves patterns of control, fear, and harm, not just tension or emotional discomfort.
Understanding the difference helps create safe and honest communication. Not every uncomfortable conversation is abuse and calling it that can actually silence real victims.
5. Taking Offense Is Not Being Triggered
Let’s make a distinction:
Being offended is not the same as being triggered.
A trigger is typically a trauma response, often involuntary and rooted in past pain. Feeling offended by someone’s comment, even if it’s political or controversial, isn’t necessarily a trigger.
Mislabeling every offense as a trigger trivializes the experiences of people with PTSD and trauma histories. Let’s honor the real meaning of that word.
6. Everything Doesn’t Need to Be Normalized
Not every thought, behavior, or pattern needs to be labeled “normal.”
Here’s an example: “I feel like my partner doesn’t prioritize me.” That’s a valid feeling, but it doesn't automatically mean your partner is toxic or avoidant.
Normalizing everything can enable dysfunction. Sometimes, the healthiest thing is to acknowledge when something is maladaptive, rather than simply labeling it “relatable.”
7. Speaking Like an HR Memo Is Not Self-Awareness
Just because someone says things like “I’m setting a boundary” doesn’t mean they’re self-aware.
Using therapy-speak doesn’t equal insight. True self-awareness involves honesty, emotional maturity, and accountability, not just polished language.
Sometimes, what people call “boundaries” are really avoidance, shutdowns, or emotional walls. Real growth requires more than buzzwords; it takes inner work.
Therapist's Orders: Do the Deeper Work
Here’s the truth: Don’t believe everything you hear online, even if it sounds therapeutic.
Pop psychology has its place in spreading awareness, but when it becomes oversimplified, weaponized, or misused, it undermines real psychological work.
Real psychology is nuanced. It’s not about labeling others. It’s about understanding the full context of human behavior and doing the deep work within yourself.
So let’s move past the buzzwords and do what actually helps:
✅ Ask for help.
✅ Reflect instead of react.
✅ Learn, unlearn, and relearn.
You’re worth the real work.
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Pop psychology myths:
Gaslighting vs disagreement
Codependency vs healthy attachment
Narcissists overuse online
Real psychology vs social media trends
Trigger vs being offended
Therapy language online
