The Biggest Mistake People Make When Trying to Rebuild Trust
Have you been betrayed?
Did your partner lie to you? Did they cheat on you? The desire to fix these issues can be incredibly overwhelming. As the person who was hurt, I’m sure you want to move on as quickly as possible, and I don’t blame you! Repairing a relationship after a betrayal is tough, especially if it’s your first time navigating this kind of pain.
We pour so much energy into our relationships, hoping we’ll never have to face this type of situation. I often hear people say they just want to get back to how things used to be, but rushing that process can do more harm than good.
Today, I want to highlight one major mistake that keeps people stuck when trying to rebuild trust:
The Biggest Mistake: Not Allowing Your Partner to Earn Your Trust Back
Let me keep it simple and clear, because I want you to take something meaningful from this.
Yes, you are the one who was hurt. That matters. But when you don’t allow your partner the opportunity to earn your trust back, it creates a lasting wedge between you. This reaction often comes from a survival mindset, you’re trying to protect yourself from being hurt again, which makes perfect sense.
But here’s the hard truth: healing requires vulnerability. And that means slowly, intentionally letting those protective walls come down.
Here’s What You Can Do Instead:
Set 4 clear, specific actions your partner can take to begin earning your trust again.
Communicate those needs clearly and calmly - don’t assume they know.
Acknowledge their efforts when they follow through. Let them know you're noticing the change.
Resist the urge to punish. Just because you were hurt doesn’t mean your partner needs to suffer in the same way.
The truth is, many people in your position want their partner to feel the same pain they felt, but that’s nearly impossible. We all experience emotions differently. Instead of trying to make them hurt, focus on making the relationship safe again - for both of you.
Therapist Orders:
Trust isn’t rebuilt by erasing the past or punishing the other person. It’s rebuilt by giving them a chance to earn it back. And that process starts with you.
💬 Let us know in the comments if you’ve tried this approach - or if you're ready to start. We’re here to support each other!
